Anger

     Anger, we all feel it, we've all been angry at some point in our lives or another, probably more than once. Anger is, I believe, one emotion that every person dead or alive, young or old, past, present and future have in common. When it comes to EMS anger is most often seen by people who just lost a loved one or who just received bad news, such as a bad diagnosis. People become angry at the EM T's, at the doctors, at themselves, and even at the disease themselves. There's one more person that they become mad at through all this that I haven't mentioned yet, God. You often here things like "God this is all your fault." "I prayed for help and you didn't answer, you abandoned me" "Why would you let this happen to me?" Things like this are often heard and sometimes, after they're said people lose there faith for a period of time thinking that God has completely abandoned them, this isn't true.
     Lets focus on anger where it applies to and with God. Throughout our lives we often become angry for reason so numerous to list, for example; I, on more than one occasion, get mad because I couldn't get a jar open. We become angry over small things but also over larger more important things than pickle jars. It is the large things we tend to blame God for, loss of someone important to us, when things we don't go the way we were hoping or planning for, when this happens we become so furious we blame what we feel is to blame, God; God made it storm, God made me bad with money, God let me get sick, God, God, God. It's so easy to blame him isn't it? So easy to make it all someone Else's fault, and maybe that's one of the best things about God, he can take it, when we come on hard times he's willing to help us through them, even it it means taking the blame for things.

     Psalms 37:8 "Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; It tends only to evil." think about this for a moment. If we stay angry, our judgement becomes clouded, we think only out of anger and rage, and in those thoughts, Satan dances."

For example;

 Proverbs 29:22 "A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression." 

Or even

 Proverbs 30:33 "For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife." 

     These verses, while worded differently, state in my opinion, the same thing. If we give into anger and wrath we cause ourselves and those we love pain and suffering, and we fall into a life of sin and carelessness, losing the glory of God. Anger makes a person do things they more often than not would never consider, and will regret in the future.

     If, when we become angry we would put our anger aside, we can over come it with help from Christ. All we need to do is ask for his help. God is never far from the sounds of your crying, All we have to do is clear our minds and ask that God would lay him calming hands on us and wrap us in his presence and help up to forgive those who caused us to be angry and move on with our lives.

 Proverbs 19:11 "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense." 

Basically put if we use good sense and ask for God's help, we can overlook any transgression committed against us, and wrongs we can forgive and know that God will make things right. If we do this we will avoid doing things that we will regret and that would cause God to look on us with shame.
     Remember that one of God's commands to us was "love thy neighbor as thyself."  Would you have your neighbor angry with you? Would you stay mad at your best friend for something pointless and meaningless? No one likes to have someone angry with them, it causes us to hurt and worry and we often end up losing someone dear to us. If you learn nothing from studying the bible, remember this, at one point God looked down on this Earth, the Earth he had created, he looked down on us with love and compassion, even when we showed him nothing but sin and transgression. He could have become angry and wiped us off the face of the planet and replaced us with something else like cat people, but he didn't anger. He loved us so much that he offered his only son Jesus, to be born on Earth so that he might be crucified and sacrificed so that we may be saved. I leave you with this last verse from;

 Ephesians 4:26-28 "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity for the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need."

Denial

     Denial, oh sweet denial. We do it every day of our lives, we deny knowing people, we deny doing things, we deny not doing things. In EMS the first stage in DABDA is Denial. People who lose loved ones, or receive news of a tragic means such as a cancer diagnosis, a miscarriage or even being told you can no longer do something you love often go through this stage. Now by no means do you have to go through denial first like I said earlier its a crap shoot there is no order to the stages of grief, but whether first, last, or in the middle you deny.
     Sadly enough as the above is we also deny Christ. A vast population of people who are religious at one point or another deny that they need God. More common than not this comes in a time of prosperity, a time when things are going the way we want them to. The minute things turn bad we turn back to God. But why? Why do we deny God when things are good and not when they are bad? We should praise and acknowledge Gods eternal presence always in times of good and bad.
Matthew 10:33 States;

 "But everyone who denies me here on Earth, I will also deny before my father in Heaven." 

     Now you can translate this however you'd like but to me it says not to deny Christ. I admit I'm guilty of it, we all are and will be guilty of it many times over. Christ died on the cross to forgive our sins. The least we can do is accept him whole heartily into our lives.
     Have you ever noticed how after we spend so much time denying Christ we find ourselves upset, lonely, and regretting that we ever thought we could live without him? Even the most attuned religious teachers have denied Christ, for example I give you;

 Matthew 26:69-75; "Meanwhile, Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard. A servant girl came over to him and said to him, 'You were one of those with Jesus the Galilean.' But Peter denied it in front of everyone 'I don't know what you're talking about' he said. later out by the gate, another servant girl noticed him and said to those standing around, 'This man was with Jesus of Nazareth.' Again Peter denied it, this time with an oath. 'I don't even know the man.' he said. A little later some of the other bystanders came over to Peter and said 'You must be one of them; we can tell by your Galilean accent.' Peter swore, 'A curse on me if I'm lying-I don't know the man!' And immediately the rooster crowed. Suddenly Jesus words flashed through Peter's mind 'Before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times that you even know me.' And he went away, weeping bitterly." 

     This verse shows us that even those closest to Jesus, those who had witnessed his glory denied him. Now Peter's denial and our denial are slightly different. Peter denied Christ for fear of punishment for knowing him, such as death. We deny Christ because we're prideful. When things are done correctly and we're living large we say it was because of our own hands, our labors and our time spent doing them and not anything else. We ignore the fact that it was Christ who blessed us with the ability to do those labors, blessed us with good health, strength and the time to do them, as well as love laughter and all things that make our lives truly wonderful.

    2 Timothy 2:12 says "If we endure hardship, we will reign with him. If we deny him, he will deny us." 

      Have you ever noticed how when you have a task or project that is hard that it is easier with help? When we have something so hard to do we often ask our friends to help us complete it. Why Can't we do that with our daily lives? What better friend do we have than Christ Jesus? I mean seriously he died to forgive us from our sins and save us from the power of Satan centuries before we were even born. That's what I call true friendship. The verse above states that, like asking friends for help with a project, if we ask for Christs love, guidance, forgiveness, and acceptance, we will reign with him, we will walk forever in his glory. Our burdens will be lightened and our hardships made easier. If we deny him we face our hardships alone and bear the full burden ourselves. Why would we do this? Why would we want to? Christ is never far away from the sounds of our crying, and even though we deny him, he still walks with us, unfortunately we are so blind we don't see this like we should.

What is DABDA.

      When taking my EMT class, one of the chapters is on emotional emergencies. Part of this chapter is  on the mnemonic DABDA. Also known as the stages of grieving. DABDA stands for denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Every person who experiences a tragic, or non tragic loss for that matter,  experiences these there is no specific order to how these emotions appear, but they do show up. I believe that along with grieving we also experience these emotions with out relationship with Christ.
      Depending on our life experiences, we all have issues with our faith. I'll testify that my life has been a series of ups and downs, and through all the tests and trials I've had my issues with God, I still do, and always will. Take the strongest person you know, someone whose faith is so unshaken and ask them, they will tell you that at one point in time they had their doubts about God. They denied knowing him or needing him, they were angry with him, they bargained with him for something, they were depressed because they felt he wronged them, and probably the most amazing feeling of all time the most gratifying, comforting, amazing thing they have ever felt, they accepted him into their life and felt the comfort of the Holy Spirit raise their spirits, enlighten them their soul and show them that God truly loves them.
      Most of what I'm writing is based on self experiences. I'm not going to ask anyone to share their personal experiences or their stories, though I'm sure that  I could find plenty of friends, heck maybe even a couple people who don't like me to share, but I won't. So this is the end of the first chapter of my story. Not much of a chapter I admit, sadly I say maybe the rest of the chapters won't be much longer than this all depends on if I get long winded, and if God puts the words in my mind. I can't say that this will ever be seen on a bookstore shelf or in the inspirational book section at Walmart. Maybe this is God's way of helping me become closer to him and learn more about his love and how much he Care's for me. So with no further ado, I give you chapter 2. (sorry I'm a really bad poet).

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.

 Psalm 27:1,3

 

Forward

     My name is ---------------, or more commonly known by my friends and even people I don't know as Cowboy. The following story, or lack there of is something that I feel I must write.  You see I've lived a fairly difficult life, one that, I'm sad to say had many mistakes I've learned more about who I am and who I want to be. You must understand taht this document, is ment not as a christian conversion tool but something to show you my view on Christ's unending love and hopefully help you understand it a little better.
     I would like to make it known for the record that I am NOT a minister, missionary, or child of either. i am a 23 year old  man living a fairly normal life. I work as an EMT/Firefighter and have made many mistakes throughout my life. Mistakes that until I rediscovered Christ I refused to forgive myself for.
     You see when I was in the 3rd grade my dad began having heart attacks, bad ones. I was very religious and prayed that he would be ok, up until my Senior year in high school I was very active in the church. But still, no matter how hard I prayed, things got worse. My dad's health deteriorated, my familly was plagued with bills and hardships. I lost my faith.
     This is important for you to know. I lost my faith. I stopped believing in God. I broke promises i mad to hmi, I drank, I partied, I had sex before marriage all without regard or care to sin and forgiveness. I met a girl in college we fell in what I mistakenly called love, got engaged had sex, broke up and had a son. A son I love with all  my heart. A son I intend to teach about God's unending love for us. It wasn't until recently thanks to great friends who I have no doubt God sent to me that I foudn Jesus again. A faith and lvoe I never want to leave or lose again. I hope what I write in these pages will help you in whatever struggles you are facing.
     To those friends, if your reading this, you know who you  are, so I won't mention any names, I want to say thank you and God has truely blessed me by letting me know all of you.
        Sincerily;
           In Christ;
               Cowboy

"For God so loved the world he gave his only son to die for us that whomever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life"

-John 3:16

A brief Hello...

Hello and welcome to my blog, affectionally called, DABDA and Divine. I'm not going to make this a long post, and I will admit that there will be several time spans between post. The first thing that you should know is that I've never done anything like this before. I'm not a blogger I'm and old fashion country boy of the right young age of 23. Don't get me wrong I've seen plenty through both my life experiences and through the work I do. I'm a full time EMT-Basic, and planning on getting my paramedics license in the near future. The next thing you should know is that this is not what I guess I'd consider a normal blog, this whole project started as a self help type book, by self help I mean that I started it to help myself, and through what I believe was divine intervention felt the need to share the work with others so that maybe somewhere it will help them as it has helped me throughout the project. The last thing you should know is I will probally never tell you my real name, in fact the blog is under the name mourningwolf, the funny thing when I was in highschool, this was my gamer tag for pretty much any game that required a character name I will however sign each entry (if I remember) with my nickname. If any of my friends read this please feel free to comment, leave remarks, stories of your own. Be warned though, should the comments be crude, insulting to anyone, they will be removed. Thank you and I hope you enjoy what I write for you.
God Bless
Cowboy